at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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