i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
