I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
