If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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