ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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