Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
