this beer tastes like vomit already
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
