i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
