hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
