my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
