my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
