Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
