is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
