if you like me you must not know who I am
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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