did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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