It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
