i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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