if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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