You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
