Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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