I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
