as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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