i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
oh god the rape fog is back!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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