she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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