Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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