I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
