I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
