I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
