Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
