yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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