Is it normal to miss your booty call?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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