loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
