watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
