Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
