I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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