Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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