I just made out with a guy for $7.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
