I think I won the penis lottery.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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