Non-Jews are for practice
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
