You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
