i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.