I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
