How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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