dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
