No awkward lesbian experiences without me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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