There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
