i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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