Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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