i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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