If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I looked at my own cervix.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
