Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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