12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
