The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
