I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
