Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
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the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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