im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
