Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
