this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
