So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
