Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
