Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I deserve this hangover.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
