alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
