I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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