oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
