I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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