i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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