alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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