shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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