but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
