I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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