I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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